Don't bother reading, it'll just be a waste of time

Firstly, how do I start? Let's just say, I had one of the worst nights ever.
Why? Because of a stupid quarrel which ended the whole night like shit.
Asking me to sleep now is gonna be a stupid thing to do. Cause I can't fall asleep now and I feel like a total asshole.

Why is it that God allowed people from two different ends of the world to be together, or even just to be friends? When it's so hard to understand each other and non parties are gonna try harder to?

Why is it that when something is changed (for the better) in your life, no one sees it. & all they know how to do is just to yack at you and tell you that you're not doing better, you're not trying harder to upgrade yourself.

Have you ever thought that why I'll feel this way?
Has anyone even tried bothering to stand in my shoes? All they know is to tell me to stand in theirs. I did, I've tried, I want to, but its hard when I don't even know how to walk properly in my own shoes.
I never thought that my life would end up this way. I never thought that I'll go into a r/s so early. Never have I ever thought that I'll start working at a age of 16. Dealing with such things, that I thought would bring me stronger, it just keeps pulling me down.

I wanna cry, I wish I could just cry. It sounds crap, but I really wanna stay strong. I wanna stop myself from crying, so that I could stop the habit of me crying every time I feel sad or when I feel stress.

People wake up to morning of lectures from teacheres in schools. I wake up to a morning, of me bring the teacher and I'm the one lecturing people. I wanna be like the others too, I wanna be part of somewhere, someone. I don't know how to be at one place and let my seed take root and grow.

I keep feeling heartaches, I make sure they stop.
Everytime I wanna be with you, I stop to think. I fear, I fear of something that would just happen next. I took alot of risks even saying all these things to you. Of all things that I fear, this is even worse than death. I don't even wanna blame you anymore for me being insercure. I don't even wanna continue typing this.

I'm feeling so upset, so rejected.
& all I hate is when I look to human beings for love. They can't give me anything more, but yet everyday, I'm just craving for more.

I'm tired, I'm sick of this. Jesus, give me a way out. I give up.